Kindly Leave

posts to come…

Ok now most of my rants have been about useless things that piss me off, but this one really gets me going and I know that some of y’all out there have to feel the same way.

I was watching a show on Spike the other night called Manswers.  This show answered questions that asshole guys came up with (i.e. how much does a midget prostitute charge?).  Anyways, one of the segments talked about a multi-million dollar study that had concluded that chickens have the same taste in women as men do.  Are you fucking kidding me?  There are still people dying of hunger, cancer, aids, and God knows what else, and we are spending millions of dollars to find out a chicken wants to dick-down the same girl as me?  Come on guys…

I mean I know there is tons of money wasted every year on useless studies, but this has to be one of the worst I’ve heard in a while.  The American government is spending 20 billion dollars a year on the war on drugs, and that sure as hell is getting nowhere.  Then we have some of the most brilliant minds in science trying to figure out how to make an 83-year-old man have a four-hour erection without having a heart attack.  All the while there are people dying of hunger and disease. I mean come on people, let America smoke weed, stop having sex when mother nature deems it necessary, and let’s put some of that money into some causes that are worth while.  There is no reason that people should starve to death.  I know cancer and AIDS are throwing us for a loop, but if we stopped with the boner pill research and useless ass stuff I see on Manswers I think we could feed the children of the world.  I know it’s not that simple, but I had to get it off of my chest.

Here’s the link to Joe Rogan’s open letter to Kelloggs about Michael Phelps.

http://blog.joerogan.net/archives/454

What kind of fucking gas station won’t exchange a dollar bill for 4 quarters when you have enough quarters in the drawer to stack together and be longer than toombs penis. (ok, exageratioon necessary there for effect) What the fuck are they going to do with all of them? Go to the bank and exchange them for bills? Bitch that is what I am trying to do for you right now. Just on a singles basis instead of rolls. Jesus Mary and Joseph this lady was dumber than the whore trying to figure out if the Cheetos she devoured waiting in line were bad for her or not. Of course they are you stupid cunt, THEY ARE CHEETOS. However delicious, anytime you consume and entire full size bag of Cheetos in a 3 minute period, that has got to be bad for you. Chee overload possibly?

ok, little rant. Fuck the bitch that works at 7 Eleven across from my office. She is a dumb bitch and I hope she keels over sucking down a cherry coke slurpy tomorrow.

So the other day at the office some people were making comments about me being from Texas… blah blah blah, I get made fun of. No big deal. The funny thing was the conversation turned into:

“Yeah, Texas is like a foreign country. You people still ride horses to work? Or is every town in Texas based off the movie Varsity Blues?”

I am not even kidding. So of course I went on to quote the theatrical great quotes from the movie (cry me a river you fat fucking baby, we was just kids mox, miss davis.. you go to the prom wit me?) and the office erupted in laughter. There are only 11 people that work at my company, but I thought it would be greatly appreciated that not all people in this world have lost touch with the classic greats Hollywood has produced. 

I can only wish that one day all towns will revert back into Varsity Blues themes, and I will be half as cool as Tweeter, with a friend named Billy Bob, who has a pet pig named Bacon, that he thinks is a dog.

B.Red is here. Go ahead take your shots. Please do; anything to get this thing rolling again.

You know what i would like to rant about?

Guys that talk for months about getting a website up for ranting and then don’t utilize it. lame.

lets rant about things. Here’s a list of ideas:

professional sports players that ruin their careers by shooting themselves in the leg at night clubs,
people that use abbreviations in everyday conversations. (lol omg brb).
disappointing movies (traitor)
great movies (taken)
the bowl system
people that come to a complete stop when turning right onto texas from university
uncapped baseball salaries
stupid people you work with
how difficult mastering the web will be when you have a ridiculously hot intern
what you got for Christmas
how awesome Jericho is
how i laugh like Bill Cosby
zombies
sin taxes
life

just for thought,

Ol’ B.Red

OK so I watch WAYYYYY too many movies, so I decided that I would place my thoughts on the certain flicks, and the occasional TV show that may or may not piss me off, I see from time to time.  I also decided to make my own little rating scale in accordance with the theme of this site.  The ratings will range from 10 (kind of like a “guy on couch”, who is always welcome and never has to leave) to a 1 (GET THE FUCK OUT!!!  Nothing kindly about it…).  As time goes on, you will surely see that I have a unique taste in movies, but these are only my opinions.  There will be some movies that most will find horrible that I will absolutely love and vice versa.  Well, my first movie facing the wrath of Krunk will be the newish Bond flick, Quantum of Solace.  I know I’m going to catch a lot of shit for some of the stuff I am going to say, but it’s my rant so back off!

So, I grew up watching Bond movies with my dad for as long as I can remember. In fact, the first gift I remember giving my Dad was a box set of James Bond VHS tapes.  We spent countless hours watching with joy and amazement as Bond tracked down the bad guys and seduced women galore.  Bond will forever be the biggest hardass who has ever graced the silver screen.  I mean there’s Michael Scoffield, then Jack Bauer, then Jason Bourne, then William Wallace, and then Bond is still in a league of his own.  Now my favorite Bond will forever be Connery, but I understand the character has to change with time.  With the newest installments featuring Daniel Craig (huge hardass - I freaking loved Layer Cake), I was looking forward to the future of Bond.  Casino Royale was pretty freaking awesome in my opinion because it told all the Bond fans where the hell he came from and why he is so ruthless and kickass. 

When the first spoilers and trailers came out, I was ecstatic!  I absolutely couldn’t wait until the movie came out.  I had a Bond boner for months, and I watched the trailers and read reviews everyday.  So, there was no doubt that I would be seeing this movie as soon as it came out.  That Friday night I got in with a couple beers with the help of my friends girlfriend, and we were good to go.  Movie starts and I’m already a bit pissed because there was no opening shot down the gun barrel sequence.  Now, I may be wrong, but most of the films start out that way.  Then the damn car chase!  Ok, so he’s driving an Aston Martin which is enough to make my panties wet, but he’s getting chased as well.  This is a typical component of the Bond movies, but this chase is pretty hard to see since it looks like the cameras are on rickshaws.  I mean seriously, why does Hollywood insist on having this shaky camera shit in their movies now a days?  If you can’t make it look good with a smooth shot, then don’t do it!  I’m sick of being nauseous while watching an action scene.

So anyways, the story goes on and its pretty good.  They find out that Quantum everywhere, even within MI6, and then the adventure begins.  Well, I’m not going to go through the entire plot because most of you have seen the movie.  And, I’m not going to sit here and talk about my opinions on every aspect of the movie.  I’m just going to going to tell you how I felt about the film as a whole.  I think it can all be summed up in the looks that were exchanged between me and my old room mate when the theater lights came on, “Is that it?”  To me, this wasn’t a true Bond film.  I mean, the whole movie was lacking that whole Bond feel.  I mean it had the car chase, the technology, the girl, the bad guy, and the save the world thing, but it was lacking in all of the above.  I felt that they put all the aspects into it, but didn’t follow through.  There were two girls, and neither filled the bond girl role.  I’ve already touched on the chase scene, the bad guy wasn’t convincing, and the technology was weak at best.  I mean, a business card with a GPS tracker?  Come on…  Is that all that you have?  You’ve got to be kidding me!

It’s so hard to put my feelings into words when it comes to this movie, but this review is similar to my feelings toward the movie…blah.  Don’t get me wrong, it was a good movie, but Bond movies are held to a much higher standard for me.  He’s supposed to have the best technology around, and he’s supposed to get with the best looking chic.  I know he nailed Strawberry Fields or whoever she was, but she was just a clerk at the Embassy.  The bad guy is supposed to try and kill Bond in the most ridiculous way and have something seriously wrong with him.  This guy stole Bolivia’s water and is just kind of a creeper.  I guess this film shows the new criminal terrorizing the world in the new way, but it just isn’t Bond.

The movie, like I said, is a good movie and I enjoyed it, but it wasn’t a Bond movie.  I know I’ve said that a bunch, but it’s the words that I was left with as I left the theater.  I even went back and watched it again in theaters to give James another go, but I still left lacking something worthwhile.  It gave me cenematic blue balls.

Now I guess after all these lines of worthless wandering, I’ll give it some kind of score.  I can’t give it a terrible rating just because I love the franchise so much, but they surely let me down.  So my score is a 5.3, or as I’d like to call it “You can come over to service me, but you better be out before sun-up”.

Next movie on the Krunk’s list…Zack and Miri make a Porno

So I have to take this bullshit kinesiology class.  All we talk about it how tobacco kills, sex makes you pregnant, and if you drink you’re definitely gonna drive drunk and kill 13 children.  I mean seriously, I know drinking and smoking kill and what not, but what the hell is life without a little risk?  If i die at 78 from lung or kidney cancer, THANK GOD!  If I’m alive at 78, take me out behind the barn and take me out Ol’ Yeller style.  Seriously, I never wanna be without the use of my legs or my dick.  The day i’m in a wheelchair and snorting lil’ blue pills so i can try and get a wrinly erection, do me and the world a favor and send me to meet my maker.  People smoke and drink and have sex because its awesome!  If asparagus gave me the same effects as an orgasm or a 1/5 of vodka, I wouldnt be hanging out in strip clubs.  The jolly green giant would be my best fucking friend.  So lay off everyone government.  This isnt the 20’s.  Everyone knows that if you hoover down Jack and a couple of packs of Marlboro Reds, your future isn’t so bright.  We do these things cause they feel good, not because we are idiot who dont know what cancer and mangled cars on the highway look like. 

Just to further my point, last night i studied with a huge fat wad of Grizzly in my lip, after drinking some beer.  Booyah Men’s Health!  Anyways, I just got done with the test in 10 mins, because its about tobacco, STI’s, and alcohol and i’m in college and well versed in the subjects.  And the second half of my class, the fun-filled hour of raquetball, doesnt start for an hour.  So, now I have to sit down here with all these kines majors and listen to em talk about how hard their water bottle filling and towel folding classes are.  Fuck that shit!  Kindly leave…  dot com.

“If I ever hear one of those snot nosed, daddy’s money, jackasses with names like Field, or Trevis, or Dax talk smack to me about football, I am going to scrape all of their frat feathers off their head with a spoon, and drive them so far up their ass with my size 14 boot that they will be farting their precious little frat wings until they are 35. Then I am going to defecate on the hoods of their Tahoes. ”

A Nice Little Rant I read.

FUCKING QUIT IT!!