OK so I watch WAYYYYY too many movies, so I decided that I would place my thoughts on the certain flicks, and the occasional TV show that may or may not piss me off, I see from time to time. I also decided to make my own little rating scale in accordance with the theme of this site. The ratings will range from 10 (kind of like a “guy on couch”, who is always welcome and never has to leave) to a 1 (GET THE FUCK OUT!!! Nothing kindly about it…). As time goes on, you will surely see that I have a unique taste in movies, but these are only my opinions. There will be some movies that most will find horrible that I will absolutely love and vice versa. Well, my first movie facing the wrath of Krunk will be the newish Bond flick, Quantum of Solace. I know I’m going to catch a lot of shit for some of the stuff I am going to say, but it’s my rant so back off!
So, I grew up watching Bond movies with my dad for as long as I can remember. In fact, the first gift I remember giving my Dad was a box set of James Bond VHS tapes. We spent countless hours watching with joy and amazement as Bond tracked down the bad guys and seduced women galore. Bond will forever be the biggest hardass who has ever graced the silver screen. I mean there’s Michael Scoffield, then Jack Bauer, then Jason Bourne, then William Wallace, and then Bond is still in a league of his own. Now my favorite Bond will forever be Connery, but I understand the character has to change with time. With the newest installments featuring Daniel Craig (huge hardass - I freaking loved Layer Cake), I was looking forward to the future of Bond. Casino Royale was pretty freaking awesome in my opinion because it told all the Bond fans where the hell he came from and why he is so ruthless and kickass.
When the first spoilers and trailers came out, I was ecstatic! I absolutely couldn’t wait until the movie came out. I had a Bond boner for months, and I watched the trailers and read reviews everyday. So, there was no doubt that I would be seeing this movie as soon as it came out. That Friday night I got in with a couple beers with the help of my friends girlfriend, and we were good to go. Movie starts and I’m already a bit pissed because there was no opening shot down the gun barrel sequence. Now, I may be wrong, but most of the films start out that way. Then the damn car chase! Ok, so he’s driving an Aston Martin which is enough to make my panties wet, but he’s getting chased as well. This is a typical component of the Bond movies, but this chase is pretty hard to see since it looks like the cameras are on rickshaws. I mean seriously, why does Hollywood insist on having this shaky camera shit in their movies now a days? If you can’t make it look good with a smooth shot, then don’t do it! I’m sick of being nauseous while watching an action scene.
So anyways, the story goes on and its pretty good. They find out that Quantum everywhere, even within MI6, and then the adventure begins. Well, I’m not going to go through the entire plot because most of you have seen the movie. And, I’m not going to sit here and talk about my opinions on every aspect of the movie. I’m just going to going to tell you how I felt about the film as a whole. I think it can all be summed up in the looks that were exchanged between me and my old room mate when the theater lights came on, “Is that it?” To me, this wasn’t a true Bond film. I mean, the whole movie was lacking that whole Bond feel. I mean it had the car chase, the technology, the girl, the bad guy, and the save the world thing, but it was lacking in all of the above. I felt that they put all the aspects into it, but didn’t follow through. There were two girls, and neither filled the bond girl role. I’ve already touched on the chase scene, the bad guy wasn’t convincing, and the technology was weak at best. I mean, a business card with a GPS tracker? Come on… Is that all that you have? You’ve got to be kidding me!
It’s so hard to put my feelings into words when it comes to this movie, but this review is similar to my feelings toward the movie…blah. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good movie, but Bond movies are held to a much higher standard for me. He’s supposed to have the best technology around, and he’s supposed to get with the best looking chic. I know he nailed Strawberry Fields or whoever she was, but she was just a clerk at the Embassy. The bad guy is supposed to try and kill Bond in the most ridiculous way and have something seriously wrong with him. This guy stole Bolivia’s water and is just kind of a creeper. I guess this film shows the new criminal terrorizing the world in the new way, but it just isn’t Bond.
The movie, like I said, is a good movie and I enjoyed it, but it wasn’t a Bond movie. I know I’ve said that a bunch, but it’s the words that I was left with as I left the theater. I even went back and watched it again in theaters to give James another go, but I still left lacking something worthwhile. It gave me cenematic blue balls.
Now I guess after all these lines of worthless wandering, I’ll give it some kind of score. I can’t give it a terrible rating just because I love the franchise so much, but they surely let me down. So my score is a 5.3, or as I’d like to call it “You can come over to service me, but you better be out before sun-up”.
Next movie on the Krunk’s list…Zack and Miri make a Porno